Title: Suicide Club [aka Suicide Circle]
Director: Sion Sono
Starring: Saya Hagiwara, Ryo Ishibashi, Akaji Maro
Runtime: 99 minutes
Year: 2002
I hunted down this movie after only seeing a short 2 minute clip on YouTube of the opening scene. A scene that includes 54 laughing schoolgirls jumping in front of a speeding train. It’s a cheese bloodsplatter shot that makes me smile all big on the inside. I was certain this was going to be another comedy driven J-horror film.
Unfortunately, not so much.
Instead it’s this drawn out confusing mesh of social commentary, mass suicidals, unlikeable characters, and over the top annoying pop music that seems to come out of nowhere randomly. Uh, fun?
Maybe I’m just not with it today, cause I only understood what was going on about half the time and even then, it wasn’t anything all that special. Sure there was some sweet scenes here and there but over all, I just wasn’t impressed.
The suicides were played out nicely for the most part. Almost every one was acted out by people with smiles on their faces, speaking together as though they are about to go out for a night of good times instead of stepping off a rooftop. If there was a little less social commentary and maybe a little more focus on the actual characters [and easy to warm up to ones would of been nice] then I think I may of kinda sorta enjoyed this movie.
It was most certainly nice on the eyes to watch, beautifully done, but that’s all I got.
If for some reason you come down with the chicken pox next week and need to kill some time keeping your feet up, rent this. It’ll kill and hour and a half for you with a few random upskirt shots, mediocre gore, and a few head scratching moments.
Half-assed recommended.
Title: Boy Eats Girl
Director: Stephen Bradley
Starring: Samantha Mumba, David Leon, Tadhg Murphy
Runtime: 80 minutes
Year: 2005
Occasionally I wish there was a specialty made fast forward button simply titled “Cut the Shit” that drags you right to the goods. This is a movie that should be used as my perfect example for such an invention.
A little backstory shall we? Nathan, oh Nathan. The typical high school boy that crushes on his best friend but lacks the balls to chase her. But Nathan’s in luck, for it seems Mrs. Potential Girlfriend Jessica just may have a little interest in him too. Aw, how Disney.
After a series of miscommunication Nathan fears he’s lost Jessica for good so the only logical next step at this point is suicide by hanging. Well of course, what else would a silly high school boy do?
But to die is clearly not so easy these dies. Not when your mom knows just how to bring her dear son back from the grave. Who cares if he must live on a fresh supply of flesh and brains from here on out? At least he’ll be home for Thanksgiving.
For a movie that’s only 80 minutes in lenght, the entire first half is an utter bore if you can’t tell from my tone above. It was almost painful to sit and watch the same teen movie garbage we’ve seen time and time again. At least with those Irish accents I have something to pay attention too. Similar to if there was an adorable dog running around, it’s cute to watch but certainly nothing to write home about.
Once the school goes mad and kiddies are eating each other left and right things really pick up and the movie takes an unexcepted turn. The gore is certainly there, the cheese factor is high, and the kills may not be all that original but they are most definitely entertaining. Even the comedy is pretty on point. The majority of the characters are nothing more than a body to be consumed but still with the small parts they are given the cast for the most part rocked it. The token scumbag entourage that accompanies Nathan during his adventures are nothing out of the norm but seem to give a nice break here and there from the pupply love mess.
Overall, if you want some short and bittersweet zombie kill scenes watch the last 30 minutes or so. Watching the beginning is similar to watching a Sweet Valley High re-run.
Half-ass recommended.
Title: Inside / À l’intérieur
Director: Alexandre Bustillo & Julien Maury
Starring: Béatrice Dalle, Alysson Paradis
Runtime: 83 minutes
Year: 2007
I’ve never heard so much good about a single movie as I have about Inside [exceptions being Halloween and Jaws]. And like those movies, this is one I’d recommend to anyone and everyone. There wasn’t a single aspect or scene that disappointed me.
First of all the two main characters are strong female leads, a nice treat. Both are easy to identify with, easy to fall for, and very human. An element most horror villians lately seem to lack.
First we have Sarah, a young pregnant woman dealing with the recent death of her boyfriend. She’s so distant and cold you’d almost assume she wanted absolutely nothing to do with the scheduled birth that is to take place the very next day. Almost as though she is left to just go through the motions, alive but not really living. The photographers scattered around her home just echo the reality that she is now just merely a shell of her former self.
Once the amazingly put together character, commonly refered to as La Femme, enters the picture the blood just starts to pour. Plenty of blood. No chainsaws, no hardcore ammunition, just everyday scissors and knitting needles. Never again will those simple objects be looked at as just household items. You could arm an army with these bad boys and get the job done as La Femme clearly demostrates. Basic tools tend to always get the job done the most visually appealing way when it comes to horror, time and time again.
As the movie gets going there’s this heavy, nauseating feeling that just comes over you that prove just how damn good of a job this pair of directors did. They managed to pull of a constant urgent sense of emergency, the ongoing dread of no escape. This castrophobic moment where all Sarah can do is scream and beat at the walls that are keeping her confined is all to easy to relate to.
It seems easy enough to toss around buckets of blood and ruthless masked monsters, but to pull off what these dudes did? That level of suspence that keeps you demanding to know what’s going to happen next. Man, all I can say is thank you. Easily one of the best films I’ve seen in recent history and already an instant classic in my collection.
I had waited quite a while to see this little number, but the wait was well worth it.
Highly recommended.
Title: The Machine Girl
Director: Noboru Iguchi
Starring: Minase Yashiro, Asami, Ryōsuke Kawamura
Runtime: 96 minutes
Trailer: YouTube
Oh revenge fueled films, how I love thee. And those lovely Asian ladies in school girl outfits, I think I love you a little more. Thankfully with The Machine Girl we get both for the price of one.
There really isn’t much to tell you about this little gem without giving you the goods. We have the ever adorable knock out Ami as The Machine Girl, of course she didn’t pop out of the womb with a 8 barrel high power machine gun strapped to her arm. That’d be grounds for some post-birth abortion.
Instead she’s the nice girl next door that just wants to lay low and do her family a world of good. Ami and Yu [her younger brother] are braving the world alone after their parents off themselves once accused of murder. Which we are kindly reminded of randomly with sweet one liners like, “What would mom and dad say, before they killed themselves over murder allegations?” Is that not some pure gold right there? Perhaps I’m easily amused.
This is straight up gore film. The blood is over the top and just keeps flowing. The kills are equally over the top provoking plenty of laughter. It’s clear to see the dudes behind this number wanted you to laugh and I don’t think for a moment they wanted to actually scare you. There’s not an ounce of suspence, but plenty of impeccable moments worth watching over and over again.
Here’s a repeat watch, a movie to toss on when you have people over, even if they are not fans of the genre. Hell, with the kind of kids I hang out with – this movie would clearly be a nice conversation starter plus a nice change of pace from what people typically watch when it comes to Japanese horror.
Highly recommended.
Title: Storm Warning [Unrated]
Director: Jamie Blanks
Starring: Nadia Farès, John Brumpton, Robert Taylor
Runtime: 82 minutes
Year: 2007
I rented this on Tuesday with all intentions of not liking it. I really thought it would recieve a huge fail on all fronts.
Surprisingly, the movie was not nearly as bad as I’d imagined. I’d actually go as far as to say it was good. Unoriginal, yes. But still, damn good.
There is scenes for the gore junkies while showing homage to a few of the classics. We’ve been front and center and seen these kind of scenarios unfold a hundred times before us. But isn’t that kind of what you come to expect occasionally? The whole wrong place, wrong time situation? At least here we get a little twist. Instead of the playing up the damsel-in-distress routine, we get a little role reversal.
The husband was initially The Hero but lost the spotlight to the french speaking, uber hot woman known as his wife.
As they say… hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Clearing she was not cast just for her ass flaunting abilities (although, she does that as well). She nails the part perfectly when it came to slowly becoming the revengeful killer, the lead up is done exceptionally well. Forget running dirt roads screaming half-naked when you are locked up in a barn filled with all sorts of things to use as you please and the time to make the little devices your heart desires. This is the kind of victim I enjoy seeing every once in a while. The victim that not only fights back, but makes a mess of your face in the process.
I can see the aspects to this movie that could make it rank high on the shit list for some [and I'm sure it does] but I enjoyed it. The cast was awesome with the exception of the husband role, that dude could of used an espresso or two prior to setting foot on set. A little slow starting, but once it got going it kept my attention.
Recommended.
Title: The Toolbox Murders
Director: Dennis Donnelly
Starring: Cameron Mitchell, Pamelyn Ferdin, Wesley Eure
Runtime: 93
Year: 1978
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie rule so hard for the first 20 minutes or so only to flop so hard afterwards, as is the case with The Toolbox Murders.
Having opened with a lovely string of events including a sweet kill featuring a drill, it would of been better for the movie to continue at that pace. Unfortunately, it takes a total nose dive with a rambling half-assed serial killer, as charming as he may be.
Another thing, why make the serial killer be the one character everyone in the room would assume it to be? So obvious you wouldn’t think it possible. Unless that was the angle they were going for? Eh, I don’t know.
I’m aware that tons of people can’t stop saying positive things about this film, I just don’t see it. Even with some stellar parts, I’m left with this overall ‘blah’ feeling towards it.
Not recommended.
j.
Title: Rest Stop [Unrated version]
Director: John Shiban
Starring: Jaimie Alexander, Joey Mendicino, Joseph Lawrence
Runtime: 85
Year: 2006
There’s some days where all I wanna do is toss in a movie soaked of blood, where no real plot is needed just the usual suspects torturing each other. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I just may need professional help.
Rest Stop sure delivers the blood and the typical damsel-in-distress set-up. We have a young couple comprised of recent runaway Nicole and her attractive enough boyfriend Jess making their way to Los Angeles.
As you can guess from the title, the movie makes a highway rest stop it’s center stage, as if they aren’t disgusting enough as is. When Nicole has to take a tinkle, they stop only for her to come out to find her boyfriend has vanished. Right away she seems to put it all together to figure out a serial killer must be responsible. Give this gal an award, I simply would of assumed something better came along if I were her.
Like most lovely, yet clueless, ladies in these films we tend to love so much, Nicole just keeps hanging around this rest stop. No matter how many times she escapes, or how many times people try to kill her and those she comes into contact with, she keeps returning. Maybe she has the runs and can’t bear to be away from the toilet? Whatever the case, it gets to the point where you kind of just want her to die already. To much time is spent on the same cat and mouse game where we don’t get to see the one doing all the chasing, nor do we get to see boob from the one being chased. I need something people, or how else do you intend to keep my attention?
The gore scenes sure do deliver when we get them and hey- we even get a small cameo from Mr. Blossom himself, Joey ‘Woah!’ Lawrence! We even get to see him get shot in the face! Win-win for all involved.
The sum it all up: The plot sucks but the disgusting stuff is there in just the right amount. So if you are anything like me and just want those mindless movie days filled with guts and junk, then borrow this one from your neighbour [cause I wouldn't want to pay for it].
Half-assed recommended.
j.
ps. To keep up with my blog and how I tend to go about it, I won’t be reviewing the movies I watched while MIA. I don’t ever review anything I saw more than a few days ago, one of few guidelines I’ve set for myself way back when. 
Title: Jack Ketchum’s The Girl Next Door
Director: Gregory Wilson
Starring: Blythe Auffarth, Daniel Manche, Blanche Baker
Runtime: 91
Year: 2007
The 1950’s have been painted as this sweet and innocent decade thanks to Coca Cola ads and Leave it to Beaver. The Girl Next Door rips it apart within minutes.
We are first introducted to David, an older man trying to deal with the guilt he has surrounding the torture and death surrounding a childhood friend of his. That friend being Meg and her sister Susan. Following the death of their parents the sisters live with Auntie Ruth and her three sons. She’s viewed as the ‘too kind’ woman on the block that all the neighbour boys viewed as one of the guys. Laid back, full of wisdom and a fridge stacked with beer she’s more than willing to share with the pre-teens.
Right away it becomes quite clear that Ruth is not so fond of other women, herself included, she’s bitter and has no trust in grown men. Which I’m sure explains her choice in surrounding herself with young boys that know no better. Ruth has taken a particular interest in disliking Meg and finding creative ways to teach her lifes little lessons with the boys of the neighbour fully involved in ‘the game’.
Once the torture starts, the whole tone of the movie changes. It’s incredible to see the gradual changes with Aunt Ruth’s demeanor. Any remaining part of a sympathetic, loving person slowly disappears entirely and all that is left is this vile hate machine. Blanche Baker plays this whole amazingly well, she really makes it all come together, along with her talented young co-stars.
I read this book a while ago and was never able to shake it, let alone that there was more than one moment where I had to put it down for a few days. The ways they torture this poor young girl is unbelievable and although we see more and more torture driven movies being released, this is possibly more horrifying than some can handle. Even though we don’t see some parts of what is happening, we know the horrors of what is going on.
Quite a few parts are really hard to watch, but you feel you are commited to finishing the film. I can’t imagine walking out on this story, I’d feel I cheated the characters.
Proceed with caution, but do see this release if you get the opportunity to do so.
Recommended.
j
Title: The Lost
Director: Chris Sivertson
Starring: Marc Senter, Shay Astar, Alex Frost
Runtime: ?
Year: 2002
This past weekend I was lucky enough to go catch two film adaptations of books by Jack Ketchum, horror writer extraordinaire. Seeing both The Lost and The Girl Next Door on the big screen, followed by a Q&A with Jack was quite a treat. Having read both the books, I was hoping the adaptations would hold up well. Good news is, they exceeded my expectations. Job well done, fellas. And thanks to Jovanka of Rue Morgue Magazine, I was able to tag along to dinner with Jack Ketchum and crew to hear more of what one of my favourite authors had on the brain. Amazing night, to say the least.
Ok, on to what is usually wrote around here.
Remember in high school the typical small man, big mouth guy? The one that always wanted to be seen as Mr. Big Shot but in reality was someone everyone else viewed as a joke? That would be the main character, Ray Pye [Senter]. Always in black with crushed beer cans in his boots to make him appear taller, Ray wants your attention, your respect, and he wants you to fear him. When really, he’s just another annoying asshole you’ve seen a hundred times before.
During the opening scene, Ray is out camping with his friend Tim [Frost] and occasional girlfriend Jennifer [Astar] when they come across two girls. They spend the evening watching these girls at their campsite all night from behind bushes and all is well until Ray sees them share a friendy peck. He interprets this as though they must be ‘lezzies’ and therefore, why not kill them? Even just the mentioning of the idea puts the power in Ray’s hands.
Ray shoots both girls from a distance with a stolen shotgun, one of the girls are able to outrun him and makes it to the highway and survives, barely. The other girl is not so lucky.
The movie then speeds ahead 4 years, when the surviving victim finally dies, as she’s been in a coma since the shooting. The small town cops are all sorts of frustrated, the towns a wreck- but Ray just continues business as usual. With an on-going supply of drugs and alchol at his disposal, as well as a small town sort of rockstar status he’s made for himself, life is good. He’s either fucked, or will fuck, every girl in town- a fact he’s quite pleased with.
Marc Senter plays the role of Ray perfectly, he brings across the image that you really couldn’t give a rats ass about what happens to Ray. You don’t care about him, just the surrounding characters. You know Ray is going to snap, you know it’s coming- what toward who? And how? As Ray comes across various women in his town he soon refers to as ‘his girls’, you start to fear for them. Most of these girls are just the female version of Ray in the cocky, self-absorbed department, you can tell they don’t know who they are dealing with.
When Ray finally snaps, the way it unfolds is perfection- and I don’t care to give it away. He goes at his chosen victims with such a strong hate for life in general.
I loved the book and thankfully, the movie ruled too.
Recommended.
j
ps. Lucky McKee [director of May] seems to have his hands all over the film adaptation Jack Ketchum’s Red. Sweet.
Title: Dark Water
Director: Hideo Nakata
Starring: Hitomi Kuroki, Rio Kanno, Mirei Oguchi
Runtime: 101 minutes
Year: 2002
The Basics: A recently seperated mother, Yoshimi [Kuroki] moves into a run down apartment building with her 6 year old daughter, Ikuko [Kanno]. Currently tackling a drawn out custody case with her ex-husband, she’s under a watchful eye to do right and lead a normal life. It’s made known in the beginning that both her and her husband have recieved physiatric help in the past. How’s that for an obvious glance to what the next hour holds – she’s about to go crazy and no one will believe what she claims.
The new apartment they’ve moved into have an issue with water, it’s everywhere always. You couldn’t pay me to ride in an elevator with a soaking wet floor and rain dripping in. I may love the undead, but I’m not so into the idea of a damp death [or a premature one at that].
The young girl, Ikuko , finds a little girls red bag. After we see it, we don’t stop seeing it. The mother tries to get rid of it multiple times, but it always shows back up. Kind of like a pair of annoying neighbours… oh wait.
Anyways, at times this little number is super slow pace wise, but it’s still enjoyable. Falling more on the creep instead of horror side of things, I’m sure I enjoyed this simply because I’ve never seen Ringu, which was directed by Hideo Nakata as well. Apparently they are very similar. I’ve seen The Ring and find them different enough.
Once thing I don’t quite get, is how fast the remake was put out. This was done in 2002 and then in 2005 the U.S remake was done with Jennifer Connelly as the lead. I’ve yet to see that one, but if it’s the same, I don’t see the need for it.
Recommended.
